In the years following my divorce, my daughter shared with me an experience she had with one of her closest friends. My daughter’s friend mentioned that things were bad and nothing seemed good. My daughter, who was still healing from her parent’s divorce, instantly replied to her friend with these words…….

“The smell after it rains, Vincent van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’, the first time a baby laughs, the relief you feel listening to the album that just came out, a movie that makes your brain hurt, a warm mug, feeling confident, getting an A on an assignment you worked hard on, when you find the perfect sleeping position, seeing the stars for the first time after living in a big city, reading a good book, seeing a good friend, making someone laugh, hearing your favorite song, finishing a project, hearing I love you from a little kid, applause, when your hair looks perfect, wearing clothes that are comfortable, snow globes, wars ending, smiles, seeing how far you have progressed, pretty eyes, trains. Need I go on?”

Needless to say, she gave her friend plenty of examples of what’s genuinely good about living. Such simple happy thoughts changed the mood and outlook of an average teenager that day. But, could it change an adult’s attitude? Could it change my attitude?

When she finally shared her words with me, I was absolutely speechless. I was in complete awe of my daughter. It amazed me that this young teenager (I had created) had a better perspective on happiness than I did. She was capable of instantly recalling happy moments and memories. She saw the everyday beauty of life and, without hesitation, articulated it beautifully to her friend. I was barely thinking, much less speaking coherently. I was more focused on the negative side of life. I was recalling the bad moments, the pain, the disappointment. My brain was muddled. I was much farther behind in the healing process than my daughter. It was clear to me that I needed to take a lesson from her and her outlook on life.

When looking at life through a broken heart, it’s almost unrealistic to expect to see a whole picture. My heart was in pieces. Everything I saw was cracked or flawed. Nothing seemed whole. Nothing seemed perfect or pristine. It all seemed ruined. Life, in general, seemed ruined. And, something that’s ruined isn’t, generally, good. It’s rather bad. It’s certainly not worth smiling about that’s for sure. Why should I have questioned my outlook back then? It seemed reasonable. Rational.  But, then, my daughter changed my outlook completely.  Just because my heart was seeing life as gloom and doom didn’t mean my eyes and mind had to follow. In the past, my heart and mind had been able to function independently of each other. So with a little effort, my mind…my way of thinking….. could do the same, and therefore, override my heart.

Once I started looking through clear eyes, and not the ones muddied by my heartbreak, I saw that I  was surrounded by beautiful reminders of what life has to offer regardless of my relationship status, age, or economic situation. Everywhere I looked, whether, in my home, my local county, my glorious state, my little world, I saw something……people……places…..ordinary things that made me smile. There was so much surrounding me that was truly good. I just hadn’t been looking.

I read a while back that it can be very beneficial to keep a journal with a list of things that make you smile….things that make you happy…..accomplishments that make you proud. Lists like my daughter quickly came up with years ago. On these occasions, when you’re questioning whether there is any good in your life, let this list remind you of the reasons you can still smile. The reasons life is good.

On a bad day, I, simply, need to look at my daughter (and my sons) to see that there is a lot of good surrounding me. Some days have been more challenging than others. But on those days, I have a printed page, pinned to our corkboard, of things to smile about. “The smell after it rains, Vincent van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night”,  the first time a baby laughs………..”.