Yes, that title got me a few times. I had to keep repeating it slowly to myself to make sure that it was, in fact, how I felt. And, it is. I’m tired of saying, “I’m sorry.”. I’m tired of being sorry for things that aren’t my fault. I’m tired of feeling guilty because I can’t please everyone. But, I’m not sorry about that those facts.

So many of us go through life with this self-imposed guilt for not being everything to everyone. We are people pleasers. We try so hard to accommodate everyone all the time. But, it’s an impossible task. No one can do it. It can’t be done. Not everyone is going to be happy all the time by everything you do, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Today, I had to run to our local Wal-Mart. I swear I’m there enough to have my mail forwarded to that store. Anywho, I went about my shopping like I usually do. I have a specific routine of exactly how I go through the aisles in that store. I’m a Virgo. We’re very detailed oriented and a bit obsessive compulsive. It hit me the sixth time I said, “I’m sorry” to someone who directly got in my way.  I was doing it again. Absently apologizing to people. They get in front of me, and I apologize. Not them, me. I apologize. It’s always like this. No matter where I am. No matter what the venue is. No matter the time of day. No matter who I’m with, I’m apologizing for things that aren’t my fault. My first response is to be mad at myself. Seriously, grow a backbone. Stand up for yourself. Quit apologizing. But, nope, on I go to another aisle, and it’s another “sorry” to someone who hit their cart into mine. Really????

Now, I can sit here and write about all the reasons I’ve been a people pleaser all my life, but, honestly, I’m sick of thinking about it. Why bore you with it or think about it for the millionth time. Bottom line is I’ve always felt the need to apologize or please. It’s that simple. Two ways of living. Apologizing or Pleasing. Sad, isn’t it? There are so many ways to live my life. And, those are the two behaviors I’ve chosen. Ugh, that’s enough to make me bitch slap myself. In case I didn’t mention it, I’m fifty-years-old. Too old to continue behaving in a way that isn’t serving me well.

I need to look at my life in this way. I’ve been through a lot. I’ve got the scars. Unfortunately, the memories, too. I’ve been abandoned. I’ve been emotionally and sexually abused all the while saying “I’m sorry” and yet still the pain. Saying sorry didn’t prevent anything. Pleasing people, especially the wrong people, for the wrong reasons didn’t keep them in my life. Let me stop and clarify that I’m not a victim of violent domestic abuse. I can not advise on how to handle that type of abuse other than to say, please get help and get out as soon as you can. As to being a victim of sexual abuse, I handled mine in silence. Although I do not recommend doing that, I am not an authority to advise or counsel on these topics. My point is that saying sorry at the wrong times didn’t get me any closer to pleasing anyone. It didn’t benefit me or prosper my life in any way. It never made me happy. Not then; not now. It certainly doesn’t satisfy me to continually be apologetic. It needs to stop. I need to stop it.

It’s not easy to break a habit that is so ingrained in you. It feels very uncomfortable to suddenly stop doing something you’ve always done. But, I do believe that you can train yourself to pretty much do anything you need to do to improve your life. Even, if it’s stopping the impulse to apologize automatically. Being in the wrong is a whole different situation. I have no problem apologizing when I’m wrong. I admit there have been times when I’ve really messed up but would have preferred chewing glass over having had to apologize to a specific person. But, when I’m wrong; I’m wrong, and I step up and apologize.  Apologizing for your wrongdoing is the right thing to do. Apologizing for someone else’s wrongdoing is not, however.

So, back to the whole point of this article. I am not going to keep saying sorry when there isn’t a need for it. If I have to repeat to myself before going into public, “I will not apologize to someone when it is not my fault” a hundred times then that’s what I’ll do. If I need to write down sample situations where I would not need to apologize, then I will. If I have to search out every article on reprogramming myself to not be a people pleaser, I’ll do that too. One method may not be the magic cure. Often I find that I have to pick and choose from different behavioral techniques until I find the right healing techniques for my situation. I can’t tell you what might work for you if you are constantly apologizing when it’s not your fault or if you happen to be a people pleaser. We all approach situations differently. What I can present to you is this question. Are you tired of being tired of saying, “I’m sorry.”?